Father

Long gone are the warmth of the sun of North Africa,

Yet in your heart still sung the crickets at night,

Your life now from the past is a mere replica,

At night it is Rouiba's beauty, hoping that one day you might

See her again, feel the warmth, sing it's praises in your heart,

For this home of yours, that in your youth, you were forced to abandon,

A life so small, a heart so young dancing under a sun now torn apart,

What fate did to you was not fair, sadly for you, history can not be undone.

Oh Father of mine, all your life you held a love indestructible for her,

It was your childhood, your life, the sun, the freedom, a life now gone by,

How you spoke of the land, the sea, the garden and of that one little flower,

And no matter how you tried, you couldn't understand the real reason why.

Sometimes I pray, when you left us all behind it is to reside on a cloud above the land,

Maybe then you're leaving me behind would be less painful, knowing you there,

Even if so many times I've wished I'd been here to, one last time, hold your hand,

It is small reward to think you over there, on a cloud, happy again, mon Pere.

The Tale Of The Poet Young 2

See him, the Poet Young, suffer in the darkness of his heart,

Waiting silently for the moment life will grant him the warm smile,

That fate took from him, while keeping him and his own apart,

Hoping for an end to the storm raging in him for so long a while...

Feel in his words the strain in his soul, colder from the wait,

Seeing himself in light faded and the same broken idea, 

Throwing at him but little bits to keep him interested, mere bait,

Losing himself in the notions of what maybe life might be.

Few have gotten the real deal from the Poet Young in time,

But in spite his word and bitterness, shines a golden heart,

We may have been granted from him at times lemon and lime,

But the clever mind of a Poet Young hid beneath his cloak from the start.

Is it not fate that shapes us so, when we fall, she kicks us down,

With all she can give, she tests us and breaks our heart in pieces,

Yet through this, he stood up and moved on, to dark and bright places,

Behold, people, amongst us, once again the Poet Young is in town!

Welcome back mate!!!!

MCN: C52BF-K8EF6-1FRUP

Nothing

Oh the pangs of pain tearing through my heart...

Love once was a feeling raging through me,

Emotion of volcanic matter....

Yet it's gone now, it's vanished from me,

I see, I love, but not like before,

Those in my heart, are not so deeply rooted

As you once were rooted in my heart.

I look inwards

Seeing only the shattered pieces

of

What once was my heart...

They beat on their own, lonely and cold,

Where has it all gone?

Little islands keeping me alive,

Feeling so much

But

Never in the right way,

Nowhere good enough than the last one,

I try

And

Mend it together,

Piece by piece,

One at a time...

One in,

One falls back out...

It's all gone in the past,

Life took from me that beautiful ability,

With you it went, like blown by the winds...

Once I could love so deeply,

All around me seemed a blurr,

No one to be seen,

None to be heard,

You

You were my only interest, my only love, mine...

Now all that is left,

Behind

Are the scattered pieces of my heart,

Shattered as if it were merely

Nothing.

MCN: C8XHG-VY1QJ-252U1

For Two Masquerading As One: My Twin

Moments of intense sorrows,

Heart pinching your very soul,

Mashing each second of your life

Into a painful knot inside your slowly melting mind.

Such are the beginnings of minutes of hurt.

You need not say a word my dear brother

I know the tugging ache of it all,

I feel it grow inside me daily,

I pray for it to disappear

Yet it feeds second by second on my fear.....

You know as I do, these times will pass,

But our lives it will encompass...

Not much we can do but bear the tears

And hope we'll get through at the other end,

With those we love by our side,

And our sanity close by intact.

While I will spill the beans to a few friends and you,

I know it is not in you to speak of the pain,

I respect your ways of coping,

I respect your space and you as you are,

But remember you have friends here who love you.

Should you be here or in that terrible spot,

You are never alone my Twin, never,

You have friends willing to stand by you,

As well as a sister in Extremes,

My brother from another mother,

Never will you be alone

through this ordeal.

Never.

Float Happy

Little things in life make the heart float happy

Make this life worth living and remember to be

You and not let anything or anyone push you off

The path you are walking softly along.....

Perfection is nothing but a mere notion,

If there was such a thing, it'd be you,

It'd be them and I would certainly be me too....

Perfection is the brightening of your eyes when you're happy.

Take a minute to think back of the good times,

Remember you made them happen equally,

You must know the good in you and let go of the bad too,

It is no game, but a rule of life, be you and be true.

To the devil with the liar and disbelievers,

It is your life you are living and not theirs,

Please see in you the good and let go of the bad,

Remember in your heart the love you carry and offer freely.

It is your gold and your true self,

Your smile, your happiness,

They are you, learn to love them and we'll do too....

Be yourself, be happy and the devil with those who disagree!

MCN: CKEDG-WAJAK-J8SKM

Sat On Mars

Seconds worth the thoughts,

Minutes deep in beliefs lost,

Take a hand in yours and feel

The warmth of the humanity

Remember what it was once worth.

Gone are the moments of intimate serenity,

Dead to this world as the romance in the heart,

Tearing the last vestiges of humanity there.

Sitting here, cold and bathing in the warm notes

Of a guitar so long untouched,

Painful memories scratching at the mind,

Vying to escape the soul's tender prison,

Trying to attack that last stronghold of reason....

Where were you when sanity boarded the train

Never to return, sat on Mars waiting to burn?

We all ache some way, somehow, don't give in,

Let your heart rage against the fatality of life,

Never giving in to the last shreds of insanity,

Fight on and remember, your future is only but

What it will be, the consequences of your present.

MCN: CJDQJ-ME99N-4WYQP

Never

She danced along the river bank, 

Light glistening along her long hair,

Careless, agile little thing she was,

Wonder to the world, light as a feather,

She twirled and skipped to the rhythm of the waters,

Right and left, she moved and danced,

Never looking forward, never looking back.

All in the moment of things,

Never thinking of former steps, missed skips,

Never thinking of the next for it could stumble her....

All was in the moment,  the moment of it....

Like you, all in your moment, never looking forward,

It is so uncertain what will be of us all,

Never knowing where the wind will pause our feathers

It is so uncertain what we do of our experiences,

Cherish the good, dispose of the negative....

Process love as life wants it,

You are but you don't feel it

I am and I don't want it.

There is something so romantic

In having the air brush against the skin,

it is here for one second,

Gone the next minute,

And she dances still along the river bank,

Remind me, my heart, that life is what we make it.

Matters not to anyone what is hidden to them,

Never looking forward for a future unsure,

Never looking back again to a past unwanted,

Seeing now as the moment to be,

To breathe, live and love,

Never seeking luck from the clouds above,

As the nimble child on the river banks,

My heart dances along the banks

Of the river of the moment called present,

Hoping one day we share one present

For a second, a minute or a day,

You, they, me, whatever we all may

Make of it all....

Living like the dancing child on the river bank,

Never seeking a future hazy,

Never looking at a past darkly

Know that love resides in us all,

and

This is for you.

Leaving Her

It had been a stormy day grey, cold and windy

August fury as the water raged upon the sand,

As they left to eat and drink I sad under the rain,

Watching the waters barely resisting the urge.

If I was to live, I had to go, I had to leave her behind.

I'd have to leave her, keep the memory in my heart,

The salty air, the grainy sand and her beautiful motion,

If I chose life I had to leave her behind, I couldn't keep her.

My mind was swirling with thoughts of another option,

I could still hear them laugh faintly behind me,

So I sad quietly, my mind and heart weeping with the pain....

Knowing it was living with her away or die with her around me.....

Getting up, I cleared my mind, thinking of nothing,

Walking towards her was my only goal,

One last dip in the cold salty waters of her massiveness,

If she took me I'd not have to miss no one, I'd be there forever....

Savouring the sounds of her lapping waters around the shore,

There was little to keep me back, just the urge winning,

I only wanted another to feel the frozen frothy waters

To either dwell there forever or remember her in her splendour.

I had grown up with her and the pines as my background,

The raging water and the rustling pines needles songs as my lullabies,

And to live on I had to let them go, to leave them behind

It seemed such a shame, it hurt my heart to detach myself from what I loved so....

I reached the water, it came rushing to me with a welcoming hug,

The cold embracing my toes with all their loving touching,

I turned back to look on the few pines around, the dunes....

Masses of sand and trees, and I walked in slowly....

I walked on and on, pushing against her refusal to let me in,

Letting my legs drop me in, I drew one last breath,

It was only a second of tossing me about in her icy hold

And she spat me out in a huge wave, leaving me crying on the sand.....

It was that I had to go, leave her and them all behind,

And I cried as I knew I would never feel her on my skin again,

It pained to know that I couldn't remain there,

Life chose me and it didn't care that I chose her.

So I left behind my beautiful Atlantic Ocean,

with her icy, wilful waves, her soft golden sand,

I abandoned the pine forest of my childhood,

Their morning rustling still singing in my heart,

All to remain in my pain ridden heart to sing for me at night.

MCN: CGFJH-YCXXK-CR4VB

Raining Illusion

The sound of the rain tapping on the window

Rhythmic, playful to my lonely ear,

Sorrows engulfing with sadness my poor heart,

I feel the air rushing against my skin,

As if you were there breathing against my neck

Yet I know you are not there, you have never been...

Each drop of water falling to it's ultimate death

Reminds me of the seconds lost in your absence,

Watching me lose sense of my own precious life

Hours spent wishing you would be there with me,

Hoping I could take care of you and bring happiness

A life time meant for a purpose lost to the rain outside.

Such is the following of my soul along the raindrops,

Wishing and hoping for something that will never be,

Living life as it it is meant to be revolving around me,

Yet in my head and in my heart, it is not the way....

But knowing that fantasies are often drawn up

And blown apart, I will not voice it, but only dream.....

Life is but hearts pumping in our chests strong or weak,

A mind running around these heads of ours trying hard,

To find reason in the whims of the heart while it cries,

Yet in the best of world, my heart would rule over me

Bring in the fold of that life of mine your heart to care for

And my mind would rejoice of your presence with me....

But all is just a mere dream, sadness and loneliness reign,

Love is but the illusion of my soul crying out for one like you,

The aching of a longing heart for the touch of another,

Yet in this irreverent view of life and love I seek

To live through the ideals of it, searching slowly and sweetly

For completion of a purpose so worthy yet unfulfilled.

MCN: CHJMH-77VK1-TYH2E

A Sandman's Dedication

I see him days and nights amongst us yet aside,

A soul who for the world nonsense can not abide,

A heart failing him yet not those he, in himself, does love,

Him the man of this world seeking nought from Him above.

Haunted is he like so many of us by a reality dark,

All the while in us he leaves his indelible mark,

Maybe has he not seen with what beauty his soul shines

Him, another one I will not share, a friend I call mine.

Privileged are we to count him in our lives, dear,

How I wish I could have him closer, so near,

While we joke and exchange pleasantries aplenty,

And I plead with life to show him respite, some mercy....

I plead for his heart to beat on for him, for me,

As life and love is selfish, I pray for what I can not see

But hope for desperately, for him only, my dear friend,

Oh the riddles and pain of life in our way til the end....

MCN: CCYMC-4B1J8-42VJH

To The Sandman 1

I wish I could hold you in my arms,

Make the tears dry with my love,

My friend, you are too precious

To let life break your spirit so....

You are, my friend, a wonder,

To make a sad one smile each morning,

Kind and warm with no failing,

Your own sadness we must conquer....

I wish for you the strength of the world,

in winning the fight with your heart,

I wish for you all the love in mankind,

And for this I give you all of mine......

Sometimes we find our souls tested

With all the strength our minds can muster,

We feel ourself at the tether's end,

Yet with our friends' help we can go further.

I am here for you any time you need me,

Just give me a buzz and I'll awake,

You know nothing for you will be too much,

Because I love you my friend.

So smile my beautiful friend,

Smile because tomorrow will come,

You have my virtual hand

To hold yours along the way.....

Lost in a maze of confusion

There are day when I wish I wasn't there,
Days when I wish I was cold, lost feelings,
Some feelings barely worth the time to air,
Devoid of sense, to me factuals, lacking meanings.....

I am but a lonely person in a sea of friends,
Hoping one day my heart will learn that pain 
Is the lot of those to whom deep love happens
Love without being in love, but love it will remain....

Dragging myself through days full of nonsense,
Sometimes happy, sometimes ever so sad,
Some days wishing I wasn't both, just something else,
Just wishing sometimes I wasn't feeling so bad.

Hoping for that feeling of nothing to engulf me, 
Give a blind eye to what is aroud me affecting my days
Live like those who care or love not, those with no pity
Just for a minute, to have a break, just for the day....

Sorrowful cut

Sitting here in pools of tears,

Inexplicably feeling the weight, sad,

Facing others pain, my fears,

I shouldn't be talking to people, my bad.

I should stay alone, there is no harm

In that option, yet solitude would be mine,

I'd play then endlessly in her open arms

Offering me more of that dreaded time....

Oh I am angry beyond my capacity,

I needed release I needed an end,

Drama I do not need but stability,

All I need to hold me up is a friend....

But it is too late now,

No matter how many reach me,

It is there, swollen, shallow

And still my mind aches, I wish I was empty.

The Tale of a Poet Young

Tell the tale of the poet young,

Whose words pierce memories once buried,

While is pain is nothing but strong

Akin to the sorrow keeping the story teller worried.

Tell of a smile screening from humanity

Wound too deep to voice out loud,

Invading the Teller's night with clarity

With words of silence that life chose to shroud.

Tell a tale of beauty blind and bright,

Through language yet to be spoken,

A heart of gold aching with all it's might,

Keeping the Teller forever smitten.

MCN: CLAXP-C4L4Q-18BPS

shattered being

I dropped it... let it fall to the ground,

My mind, shattered in millions of pieces,

Letting out thoughts buried within....

Feelings I'd hoped vanquished,

Hours gone, bitter tears past,

I'd thought them gone, dead,

They do not belong with me,

I do not want them.....

Isolated, alone and empty,

I'd prayed my poor soul,

No longer would bleed,

Yet here it is,

Splattered across the floor of my poor self,

In pools of tears, seeking the blood,

Crying louder than my head can stand,

Longer than my heart can take....

I sit and watch as they both await,

An end, some way, somehow....

May it be soon or later,

With the pain going, the tears drying,

Lifeless, soulless, a mind at rest,

Silence, feel free, blissful ending,

When all goes on

and forgotten I will be

MCN: CBSGG-SGSL8-HPPY8

Meeting The End Of Me

Time and again from me she took,

Days of tears, Nights of blood,

Yet she comes relentless for me,

Demanding that I pour forth

The tears I kept dear.....

It is not for death that I long for,

But to take hold of my life back,

Days of smile and Nights of happiness,

No more lying, no more hiding,

Let there be some end... any end....

Seasons of pain for no reasons,

Just raw feeling, soreness from thinking,

It is but a cut away, the release, the end....

To cut lose from it all,

No more pain, no more tears....

No more trying so hard for happiness

Never to come, to accomplish...

Letting it all flow away from me,

Watching it come slow as time,

Finally meeting the end, the end of me.

MCN: C9PMG-U7VBQ-RAMST

An Age Of Loss

There things that will never return, feelings lost that will never be there again, people lost, gone from my life forever, stolen from me through time, and it's friends, Illness, Ageing, Cancer.... They left and took with them the purest love, my past, the person I had once been....
I have been so much in my small life, in my small time on this planet..... I am but a mistake, an accident, born to a fool and a liar, lucky to have grown love, to have grown in a loving family.....
Sometimes I wish my days ended there. That I left first, not being left behind to cry bitterly for them.....
The thought is selfish but there you have me, I am eternally selfish... were it not for the children, were it not because I can not see them hurt like I did, like I am, my days would have ended a long time ago......
I can't recall the last time I told them I loved them so much...

from the silent father who did all he could but feared losing another family, never pushing further for me, I remember the arguments, the days spent chasing for his attention, reading his books, listening to his music... talking to him yet never saying what I needed to say.... how can you waste a lifetime talking but never saying anything meaningless? I lost him, I lost my father, the one I loved so much, the one I thought of daily, I lost him and never told him how much I loved him... and love him I did so desperately....
My Grand Father with whom I'd sit watching concerts upon concerts, we shared a passion for music, I sat silently through operas I didn't understand, the man who left retirement to work so that I'd never grown needing to wait for anything.... this man who smiled at me every day, the one who'd reason with me when I was arguing with my Nan, the man who'd tell me how beautiful I was, such a wonderful liar, such a sweet heart, beautiful soul.... He left a broken promise on his heart.....
My Grand Mother, the one I love as my Mother... this woman smaller than me, the one who sat near me in 1993, thinking I was dying, crying. She sat near me, I could feel her, I could hear her..... chocking on her words, as she begged to a "God" of stone crucified on a wooden cross above my head for her darling baby not to leave her.... The one woman who hid her tears when I left home three years later... this woman for whom I chose to live....
Before they took her to her coffin on February 3rd this year, I sat by her as she lay on the same bed she begged for me, I sat looking at her. My uncle placed that statuette in her hands, I asked him why taking her now... why not keep her a day a two more... why taking her too, I didn't get to thank her, to tell her I loved her, I never got to break that rule.... I never got to call her my mother... I sat looking at her, I don't need a mirror to know I am like her, I know....

They were taken from me, with little notice, no chance to run to them, to tell them how much I loved them... they left me with him... him for whom I, by the time the first passed, had no love, no respect, no need for..... him who promised and promised, he who showed me not all promises are equal... him who made promises a way to calm down the storms.
All that you've found of me, is a result of a promise of mine... I promised that if I was to bury the last without seeing her alive, I'd never forgive the promises made and broken, those promises made under the name of God.... a God I pray to.... a God, I am still willing to believe in..... to pray too.... the same God my Nan kept on his cross, the one some call the Father, Allah, Jehova... call Him what you will.... it is under His name... that I allowed my life to be taken, crumpled and spat at.... under His name I kept going.... His will, His promises, Him.......Men have stood, worked, fought and failed with His name in their lips.... and a man stole my life, my hopes and my dreams with His name......
He knew long ago that I would go... he knew I would.....
None of the beatings, the money he took and never gave back, even him forcing me, none of it will ever equal this feeling.... the feeling of being alone, the loss, the pain.... knowing that he did very little to help me through it, the promises broken, the times he demanded that I choke it up and do my work.....
This morning I remember my first coherent thought was a promise made to me yesterday through a message... I have no reason to doubt the one making the promise, but I have all the reason to doubt the realisation of it.... you tell me then if you read this, you who promised so well... when you've been promised to throughout 14 yrs, you've had your pride broken, your heart torn to shreds, your soul set ablaze and let to die slowly in the small fire of hatred and jealousy, how could I ever feel again?
Still thank you...

In The Dark Of Night

Dark speckled night, with small lanterns of gold,

Recount the tales of my sorrows of old,

Sing the praises of a broken heart,

Of a life shattered, a soul broken apart,

Oh lull my mind of the memories past,

Bring it moments that will forever last......

Can you not but leave my soul alone,

Free of all the ills ever shared, ever done?

Spare me for once the ever lasting pain,

Let me taste of the fruits of happiness again.....

I know it won't be the same, I know I must just try,

This one must be free, it must be free to fly....

I can see, I can taste but I can not touch,

Yet the temptations are at time so much,

To want to throw my cautions in the air,

To let myself par aventure feel life fair.

But it is in you I seek counsel cruel night,

In your beauty and wisdom hoping you will know right.

Dreaming Away

Dreaming away of a time in our world history

where there'll be the Utopia dreamed by so many....

Dreaming away of a time when our vision

is no longer warped by the realisations of difference.

Dreaming away of the time when equality

will not be made of mockery of.

Dreaming away of when we are no longer treating

our fellow human lower than ourselves....

Dreaming away.....

of the day I will see all races and faith sharing the bread

they earned from their own hands, hard worked for.

I dream away of a time when we all smile at each other,

Seeing in our fellow the child of Adam like ourselves,

I dream away of the time when love will flow free....

I dream away......

Can you not see? Can you not feel?

Should you be in a desert, walking alongside the black man strong and faithful,

you the white man, so full of his race and himself....

Would you not share your water with him who is your companion

Like you'd want him to do so with you?

And should you be alone in a cold cellar, locked in and fearful,

you the sinful minded Arab, cold and God fearing...

Would you share you warm woollen mantle like you'd wish he'd do with you?

I've only chosen the typical form of racism,

But Oh God do I dream for all this to stop!

Like many of us, my best friend is the same race and faith as me, but we both have friends from all over the world, all walks of life, all ages, all wealth, health, all sorts and I love the variety, the lessons I can draw from all those I encounter, the love shared, the experiences shared, the beauty of the love passing from hug, handshake, words share.....

People! It is your choice to slowly stop the rise in negativity, starting with yourself, or to hold it close to your heart... If you so wish to continue, by all means do.. but do so away from me.

Have you?

Have you ever loved....

Only for that, loving.

Nothing physical, nothing to obtain

Just the feeling of loving

Knowing that when you smile

It is true happiness....

Nothing physical, nothing obtained

but the satisfaction....

Have you?

Did you ever do something

Only for the pleasure of their happiness...

Stayed up brewing that thought over,

Born from pure love,

Nothing physical, nothing to obtain,

Just the flutter of knowing ,

You made that day special

and made that heart smile...

Have you?

I have, I am....