Please

You must forgive me for talking like this today,

You tried I understand to show me a better way,

But when the darkness is here no light can pierce through,

No words, no notes, no music seem to ring true.

I tried so hard to stay away from the pain of old,

Yet it reached me in a movement so bold,

Reminding me that I am always a temporary solution

To anyone’s needs, to anyone’s times of depression.

I have never been to anyone a long standing friend

Not once have I felt I had a place, just that helping hand,

In spite of all you have been a real, precious friend though,

But before I hurt more, before the pain returns again, please let me go.

Children will grow, they will soon forget about me,

It is happening already, can you not see?

I can’t go on much more in this way,

Please don’t make me stay.

I have no more patience, it is all gone,

And I can’t continue living with all this inside me, all alone.

I tried to see a future much more bright,

But all around me by day is as dark and lonely as night.

Silence

Words were on paper, on a screen she offers,

To illustrate to the world how much deep down she suffers

Through words she allowed her inner walls to be broken,

Knowing one day the affliction, the pain again would happen.

Under the dark cover of the deepest night,

She let her guards down hoping with all her might

That she wouldn’t be hurt again,

Yet all her hopes again were slain.

Lost in a maze of words she is lost once more,

Leaving her eyes, her heart yet again sore.

The sun in a sky of clear blue may shine brightly

From the darkness of the pain, she just cannot see.

Loneliness isn’t the worst affliction for her,

It is the slow tearing fangs of silence from which she has to suffer

The emptiness of her daily routine driving her insane,

So to her solitude she will return yet again.

Nebulous Notions

Drifting

Have you seen the smile fade away?

With the coming of the torrent of tears,

There was nothing anyone could say,

Not a whisper for her it appears.

She cried night and day, for the past

Letting the pain rule her mind so strong,

Across a plain of memories so vast,

Whatever they said, they did, it was all wrong…

She tried so often to believe the words utter to her,

She sought solace in the future unknown, cold,

Watched idea and plans roll in her mind aiming for summer,

Yet always she fell out of the dream’s fold.

Outside the sun shines so bright, in a canvass of blue,

The wind brings freshness and scents of spring to come,

Your words of hope to me no longer ring true,

Not saying you were lying, just that dreaming is only for some….

I am not some people, I am me, broken, tired,

You are you, full of promise, sweet friendship,

And when I finally get the lights off, lying on my bed,

I see the blood of this union of words slowly drip….

Gratefulness from the heart is all that I can offer

You tried so hard to bring hope in my mind, thank you,

Yet each time the idea floated away, faster and faster

And with it my dreams hurriedly flew.

No longer can I see in my eyes the spirit full of adventure,

A ghost resides within, mad and raging,

Consuming all I had good in me, I am sure,

And I let it, waiting patiently for the promised ending.

Tormented Souls

When will you realise that it was you all along?

You who broke the last defences

You point to the mother, the husband yet you are utterly wrong,

Between you three there are few differences....

You knew all along how fragile all was around me,

Yet it was my name you called again and again,

Like throwing a brick through the window of all I held happy,

You threw me in a hot pot full of pain.

Turned your back on me who saved you,

Left me to fight so often for my sanity,

Taunting me, picking fights so often too,

You held on to life through the thread of your mental frailty....

I hear your words devoid of meaning

While I lie to you each time I speak to you,

Trust and love for you is never again happening,

None of this from me will ever again be true....

A mentor in the art of seeking pain to death

A monster in the path of my family

You never gave me a chance to regain my strength

One day, one way I will make you see...

Until then I'll play the game you played with me

See who from us both will find peace in this torment

I know deep down, neither of us is happy,

Yet I will haunt you to your dying moments....

GOODNESS REPAID

All the good of the world is all but short lived,

The love in this life fading fast from hearts once eager,

Lust and hurt intertwined like water dilutes the wine

As darkness engulfs the one bright skies of a young life….

Humans are nothing but hatred seeking to change,

Yet little within us changes truly but the love once felt,

Slowly drying into hate so deep and hearty, it crumbles lives away,

Life is nothing but a test from God, testing those who by all means wish happiness.

Then come a day when all the goodness tried on people is thrown back at you,

Like a dirty sheet soiled by the infant child scared in his deepest dreams,

As if none of it mattered but the comfort of the recipient of the goodness said

For some goodness by selfishness is often repaid.

FEARS

Moments staring at the screen and mind equally blank

Just the heart screaming something seems so wrong

Finding it so hard to let all out, to be just frank

Letting the words pour out at the tune of a song.

Staring at your names wondering how long you will remain

Before one day comes and bored of what is so often with you

Leaving in that heart a gap throbbing full of pain

No blame would come to you, yet the pain fills that hole too….

Fears maybe unfounded rage in a soul so alone at times, days,

Occupying this mind’s time in an empty space that once was a woman

As strong and bright as the hot sun’s summer rays

With only one option but that of waiting for what is bound to happen.

Oh life is cruel to the mind of the one who loses so easily

Torturing her with doubts and questions never ending

Fighting day by day to keep sanity flowing free,

Knowing, fearing the inevitable truth life will bring.