If Only

And I sit here in the darkness
For companion my heart's mess
Those illusive answers still hiding
My only defence crying...

Pathetic creature that I am still
Fighting but with no will
Life passes me by purposefully
And I watch it go by happilly!

No longer do I care for the light
It can go on shining so bright
I now know it is not for me
Blind and hurt I'll accept I cannot be happy

I was waiting for this to start again
To feel this dull invasive pain
Slowly creeping in on me
Not a friend I'm happy to see

I felt it slowly gain strength
Much to my expense
I see darkness all around
And to it I am forever bound

So much I wish to say
But never do I find the words by day
Yet at night they flood my mind often
Tormenting me, waiting for disaster to happen

I want to quit it all
Close my eyes, let myself fall
Never wake, end it there
This hunting game certainly isn't fair

Laurence Ramos
30:08:2012